Nurturing Your Asperger’s Child
You want to find out more about Asperger's Syndrome, which is more and more common these days. You are learning about what doctors are calling the autism spectrum, which ranges from odd-normal on the one hand to seriously impaired, especially socially, on the other. You desperately want to help your child move toward normalcy on the spectrum. Do not give up! It is quite possible that he can. You need to provide him with situations that will give him self-confidence. If you don't, the world will deal him the opposite.
Here's one key tip: if at all possible, teach your child music. People on the autism spectrum often have exceptional musical talent, even folks who have trouble speaking and learning. Perfect pitch is not particularly rare for them. This will give you child a skill to excel in, or at least to enjoy, all his life. The problem may be to find a flexible teacher who is not intimidated by your unusual student. Look for a professional music therapist, or someone with experience dealing with special needs folks. Requiring practicing every day can be built into your system of rewards for your child, a system you need to figure out. This reward system will provide an incentive for doing chores and homework. The music lessons have worked well for my brother as well as my children.
Aspies often are loners. Your child may love to talk on and on about one subject. Developing social skills doesn't come naturally. You will need to teach these skills. When your child is in grade school, he may not be very aware of his need to learn social skills. But in middle school, he may notice that others have friends while he does not. When he reaches this teachable point, it's time for you to step in and show him how to make friends.
This might include:
* Social skills groups with other Aspies taught by a professional. (Speech therapists are stepping into this need; so are social workers specializing in coaching kids with learning disabilities.)
* Teach him skills yourself, planning the session out beforehand. You can set aside time every day to work on conversation skills, for example.
* Putting him in a special-needs school that will give him social coaching. Your child needs special help. Placement in a regular mainstream school situation may expose him to bullying. Instead, he needs to be taught how to interact with others.
Bullying has lasting damaging effects on your child's self-esteem.
Mainstreaming may just be exposing your child to negative interactions, not positive ones. If this is necessary for your situation, see if you can volunteer at the school to be nearby, or get the school to hire a shadow for your child. Then talk to that person and tell him exactly what you want them to do: protect the child from negative interactions with peers. Our culture tolerates bullying and negative teasing, but both of those will be damaging to your child.
* You may want to look into homeschooling. For advice, you can search the Internet.
* A private special-needs school may be able to protect your child by controlling most interactions between peers.
In short, there are steps you can take to protect your child's self-esteem. Be sure to take them!
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